There is enough about the good manager. Everyone is striving to be good, but no one has tried uncovering the other side. Here is a blueprint which will help you succeed in becoming the worst manager on the block.
1. Maintain the pecking order: The first step is to add as many levels as possible between the you and the team. Flat organisations are just fad. Why should a team member be able to approach you easily? You already have so many things to do. Approvals should go through at least 5 people before reaching you. Your team member needs to look at the brighter side. The process enables the employee to know more people and build working relationship. And if an employee complains, just blame it on Hofstede. He is the one who spoke about power distance and culture.
2. No-confidence motion: The Trust business is all good for consultants to write in their reports or for management theorists to talk in their lectures. Trusting your team members is out of question. Trusting simply means, you are giving away your control. Let your team members know that they are not reliable enough and the chances of them screwing up work is high always. And even if you have to trust them with some work, watch them minutely and don’t miss a chance to admonish. Micro management is a best practice!
3. Empowerment is an overrated! Empowering employees to take decisions is a no no. You are the ‘boss’ so you should decide what others should do. Giving away power is killing your managerial career then and there. While you may have to act as if you are empowering them, just give something trivial and continue to micro manage. And if they complain just let them know with empowerment comes with challenges!
4. Opinions are like ass holes, everybody has one, so why bother: Ask people for their opinions , ideas, pretend you are listening and never bother to implement them. Never bother about giving them a feedback on their ideas. Why waste time in first place? Remember as Manager the final decision is yours.
5. Mystery means Motivation: Keeping secrets is a must skill. Let your team keep wondering whats in store for them in the next quarter of financial year to come. Keep the mystery intact. Ask them to change the way they are functioning without giving them any direction or reason for it. Just let them know the Top Management wants it that way. And if they insist for a response, categorise them as resistors and non aligned with company strategies.
6. The Power Puff Manager: Information is power. So to remain powerful, never ever share it easily. All this buzz around collaboration is just for software companies and consultants to sell their products and services. Let your team members face roadblocks, delays and failures due to lack of information. After all, failure is a stepping-stone to success.
7. Just follow the precedence rule: Time should not be wasted on deciding the priority of things to be done. To get the things done on time, high priority should be set for every task; this will make the employees finish it on time. No doubt people will never feel as if they have accomplished a task and will not respond in case of a true emergency but who cares.
8. Get it right or get fired: Yes, you have all the right to expect that your team should deliver perfection every time. Commoners learn from their mistakes, not the performers. And if for some reason your hire is getting it wrong make sure he or she receives necessary humiliation in the weekly review. Use of stinker emails is also a proven humiliation strategy.
Hope the above points helped in laying a blueprint for a successful bad manager. Assuming you follow these practices and your team gives a bad feedback during skip levels, just ignore. After all you have to do what you feel is right isn’t it!
Managers, please note! Follow this blue print at your own risk. Author (The CorporateMortal) does not hold any responsibility for potential results or feedback from the managers team members.